Episode Fifteen: Tears with Names
Timothy had been archiving his dreams for most of his life. He knew that they meant more than they may have seemed to simply on the surface. Codex's glitching and talking about feelings hadn't been a coincidence. The images that Timothy saw of Constance's dinnertime with her mom and dad confirmed that much. She had been crying Constance tears because she had a deep sadness within her, and Codex, in his own way, was trying to help her to understand them.
Percival:That made sense to Timothy. Hushglow had always helped him to understand his own feelings, his own sadness. Now Filbert had uncovered the next piece of the Archiver puzzle. His firework baseball had revealed that Garren's owl feather had brought him into the dream too, and he looked very sad. Timothy was glad that Hushglow was here to help him understand all of these many different kinds of sad.
Percival:Having friends was harder work than Timothy had realized.
Percival:Episode 15: Tears with Names.
Timmy:Constance gently bent down onto one knee and touched Garren on the shoulder. Then, everything changed. The Meadow was not the Meadow anymore.
Timmy:Mr. Whimwillow and his wavy branches were gone. He had turned into a giant pole with a bunch of super bright lights attached to the top that were on full blast. The gentle rolling hills of the meadow transformed into big sections of bleachers that had so many seats. There were people in them, so many people in those so many seats, all clapping and cheering.
Timmy:Beneath Garren, a bright white shape appeared on the ground. White lines started to come out of the shape from two sides extending outwards. I realized what I was looking at. The Meadow was becoming a baseball field. Garren was sitting right on home plate.
Timmy:A loud noise filled the air like thunder. A bright white light filled the baseball field like lightning. By the time the noise and the light faded, we had all moved. Now we were standing by the dugout next to the players and coaches who weren't in the game. Everyone was focused on a different Garren, a not-Garren, standing all by himself, up where the pitcher threw the ball on a dirt mound in the middle of the baseball diamond.
Timmy:But it wasn't really Garren. It must have been a memory-Garren because the real-Garren was still right next to us, now sitting by the dugout, still curled up. But now his head was raised up, watching. Real-Garren watched the memory-Garren. His eyes felt just like Hushglow's new not-glow color.
Timmy:Another thunder sound cracked as the field turned white. Now the entire field was full of players at every base and in the green grass, not just memory-Garren. A tall boy stood at home plate. He looked strong, and he carried a big metal bat. Crouched behind him was the catcher from memory-Garren's team.
Timmy:Standing behind the catcher was a man wearing big black pads, the umpire. The tall boy got ready to swing his bat as memory-Garren wound up to throw his first pitch. The ball smacked the catcher's glove.
Umpire:Strike one,
Timmy:yelled the umpire. The crowd clapped and cheered. Over the sounds of the crowd, one voice yelled louder than the rest.
Elliot:Attaboy, Gare. That's the stuff right there. Come on now. Two more.
Timmy:Memory-Garren took a deep breath, nodded his head toward the catcher, and threw another pitch.
Umpire:Ball.
Timmy:The umpire said.
Elliot:That's alright Gare, that's alright. You got him right where you want him now.
Timmy:Memory-Garren took off his hat and wiped his forehead. Then he wound up and threw even harder.
Umpire:Ball two.
Elliot:Come on now, Gare. Stop playing. This guy can't hit you. Let's go now.
Timmy:Memory-Garren let his shoulders rise and fall as he took another breath. He wound up.
Umpire:Ball three.
Elliot:Come on, Gare. This is it now. This is what we've been working for.
Timmy:Memory-Garren caught the ball in his glove as his catcher threw it back to him. He turned toward the outfield as he grabbed the baseball and threw it hard back into his glove three times. Another deep breath. He set to throw his next pitch, a wind up.
Umpire:Strike two.
Timmy:The crowd got even louder.
Elliot:Attaway, Gare. Attaway. Now we sit him down. Let's finish this.
Timmy:Memory-Garren caught the ball and took off his glove, placing it under his armpit. He rubbed the baseball with both his hands for a few seconds, then put his glove back on. He stared at the ground for a long time.
Umpire:Three and two, full calve.
Timmy:Almost too long. Then he looked up to his catcher. Once, twice, three times, memory-Garren shook his head no to his catcher. Finally, he nodded his head yes. As memory-Garren wound up to throw the pitch, the entire baseball field went silent.
Timmy:Not just quieter, completely silent. Everything after happened in slow motion. Memory-Garren had a determined look on his face as he let go of the ball. It spun and spun as it got closer to the plate. The tall boy kicked up his leg and swung his bat really hard.
Timmy:I listened for the smack. It never came. The ball flew off the bat, screaming high, high, high into the air. The outfielders ran back, back, back toward the outfield wall. The ball soared over the fence so far, it might as well have landed on the moon.
Timmy:The tall boy who hit the home run threw up his arms before running around the bases. Memory-Garren looked down at the ground and put his face into his baseball glove like it was a hiding place so no one could see what he felt. The tall boys teammates were waiting for him at home plate as he came around third base. He touched home plate and the entire team swarmed him while jumping and cheering. The cheering got quieter.
Timmy:The other team faded away. So did memory-Garren's teammates. Soon, the only player left on the field was memory-Garren. He lifted his face out of his glove and looked into the stands behind home plate. He was trying to find someone, probably the man who yelled a lot during the game.
Timmy:He didn't find him. Memory-Garren's head drooped, and he walked off the field all by himself. As the memory-Garren approached where we stood, he faded away. I looked down at our Garren. He had tears in his eyes.
Timmy:They were definitely sad tears. I didn't need Hushglow to help me understand them. Even though we surrounded him, Garren acted like we weren't really there. Maybe he thought we were a part of the memory too.
Garren:He didn't even wait for me to come off the field.
Timmy:Garren sobbed.
Garren:He just went and sat in the car.
Timmy:Now I was pretty sure he was talking about his dad, but I did understand what it was that Garren was feeling. That I was sure of. He wanted someone to tell him that it was okay, that they were proud of him for doing his best. I know that I wished I could hear my dad tell me that even just once. Constance and Zorah's faces looked sad.
Timmy:I knew that they wanted to help Garren the same way that I did. I sat on the ground close to Garren. Constance and Zorah did the same. The four of us made our own bases on a baseball field with Garren being our home plate.
Garren:It wasn't even a bad pitch,
Timmy:Garren said quietly.
Garren:I put it right where I wanted it. He just hit it.
Timmy:The baseball field changed. The bleachers and sections of seats turned back into rolling hills. The giant light pole sprouted big droopy Mr. Whimwillow branches. The dew deer were running across the glowing fields again. The Memory Baseball Field disappeared and left the Meadow in its place. Still, there was one dewdeer that looked different than the rest. Just like before the baseball field appeared, it watched us like it was waiting for an invitation.
Timmy:Garren slowly stood up, keeping his eyes right focused on the not-dewdeer. It trotted toward us very slowly and gently, like it didn't want to startle anyone. It wasn't made of water like dewdeer are. This one was real, solid. A giant stag, tall and strong, with antlers that stretched wide like trees reaching for the stars.
Timmy:They shimmered gold with silver lines carved into them like old writing. His fur was a deep golden brown color except for across his back where it was dark green, almost like he was wearing a cape. He didn't glow, he didn't sparkle, but still, he looked like a prince. Hushglow pulsed a dark purple with streaks of deep green through it. Maybe he knew the stag and was saying hello.
Timmy:The stag came to a stop in front of Garren, standing tall and proud like a soldier. He dipped his head, antlers gleaming in the light of the meadow. Garren didn't move, but his clenched hands finally opened.
Valiant:You threw it true.
Timmy:That was all the stag said.
Timmy:His voice was deep and powerful, but kind. I understood why Hushglow had picked those colors.
Garren:But I gave up...
Valiant:You threw it true, Garren.
Timmy:The stag didn't raise his voice.
Timmy:Garren kicked a little mound of dirt with his shoe.
Garren:I know,
Timmy:he muttered,
Garren:but it wasn't good enough.
Timmy:His voice cracked on the word enough.
Garren:Dad says I probably won't get drafted ahead of the other pitchers now. I might not even make the A Team valiant. I'll be stuck on the Bs, or worse, the Cs.
Timmy:He paused and kicked the dirt again, harder this time.
Garren:The whole tryout was a disaster.
Timmy:The stag, who Garren called valiant, shifted, and his green fur cape glimmered in the sun.
Valiant:What would she have thought about all of this?
Timmy:He asked. Garren didn't look up.
Valiant:Garren?
Garren:She would have asked me if I did my best,
Timmy:he mumbled.
Valiant:And what would your answer have been?
Garren:I I I don't know. I mean...
Valiant:Garren.
Timmy:Valiant stamped his hoof. The sound echoed through the meadow.
Timmy:Garren sniffled and wiped his nose with his forearm. A tear rolled down his cheek. I couldn't tell if it was a sad-sad tear, or maybe even a Constance-tear.
Garren:I did, okay? I did my best. It just... It wasn't good enough.
Timmy:Valiant didn't raise his voice. He didn't need to.
Valiant:And you know full well that's all she ever needed to be proud of you.
Timmy:Garren's single tear turned into lots of tears. I was sure at this point that they were Constance-tears, but something about them seemed less scared than Constance-tears.
Timmy:They were more missing-tears than scared-tears, so they needed a name too. Garren was crying Garren-tears. Constance and Zorah put their hands on Garren's shoulder, then they looked at me. That meant that I should do it too. I knew that Grandma would want me to, so I did.
Timmy:Hushglow hummed an upset song, but not the same one he used when I was upset. It was more of a sad upset than angry upset. He pulsed a deep violet color. It wasn't a stormy purple or a red purple, not the kind that Hushglow glows when I'm frustrated or mad. It was the kind of purple that hurts inside your heart when things are quiet.
Timmy:Constance and Zorah's face hadn't changed from before. They looked like they were still worried about Garren, but I wasn't. I knew that this was what Garren needed. He needed to feel. So we stood there with him while his feelings decided what color they wanted to be.
Timmy:There, in the quiet calm of the meadow, I had the strange feeling that something, somewhere was watching us back.
Percival:Timothy's heart ached for his friends. He had no idea that they had such gaping wounds in their hearts. Constance was sad because her mom and dad were fighting. Garren was sad because his mom was gone, and his dad didn't seem to be treating him very nicely, even though he did his best during his baseball game.
Percival:Timothy was glad that Valiant was there to help Garren as his dream best friend. He seemed like a very wise and strong friend, just like Hushglow. He had only had real life best friends for a few days, and Timothy was already beginning to understand that other people were very complicated on the inside, just like Timothy was. Maybe he wasn't the only Timothy in the world after all? Maybe everyone had a little bit of Timothy inside of them, even if they were normal and popular?
Percival:The next time Timothy was alone in the meadow with Mr. Whimwillow and Hushglow, he decided that he would have a chat about it with them. They always helped him understand things that didn't make sense. But for now, Timothy would keep his arm around Garren's shoulder. He knew that is what Grandma would want him to do.
Percival:So he stood there quietly, arm around his new best friend, watching out across the horizon that felt just a touch too quiet.
Announcer:Thank you for listening. If you'd like to support the show and help bring the story to life, please consider joining us on Patreon at patreon.com/epicbedheadsaga. Patrons receive episodes one week early and exclusive behind the scenes content. You can also find us at epicbedheadsaga.com and on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.
Announcer:And if you're enjoying the show, please follow us on your podcast app of choice. It helps more than you know. The Epic Bedhead Saga is written, produced, and directed by Tyler Michael Jonsson. Episode 15 features Tyler Michael Jonsson as Percival, Timmy, Garren and Elliot Anderson, Hushglow, The Umpire, and Valiant. This episode was made possible with the support of our Dreamtender tier patrons, Nancy and Grant Jonsson.
Announcer:We'll see you next time. Until then, keep dreaming.
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